I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
