That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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