I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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