I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
