I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
