Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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