my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
