Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
