Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
