I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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