i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
