maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
