why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
