My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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