i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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