please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
