I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
