What a fucking waste of an outfit
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
