update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
zippers are such a cool invention
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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