Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
