yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
whose parrot is this?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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