My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
