...so i touched it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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