so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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