I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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