Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
