If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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