It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
