We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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