should my penis look like a turkey
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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