I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
