I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
