my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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