fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
