everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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