well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
