I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he was CRYING into my vagina
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
