The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My feet surprised me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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