I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
