you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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