I wannas sexs uuuuu
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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