Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
