you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
