Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my being single is dangerous.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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