Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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