i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
