we have pet lesbian snakes
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
