Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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