If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
