I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
