i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
