she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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