i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
