Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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